..bella.. (brilliantchaos) wrote,

this is long guys, but stick with me. you might find it interesting.

My cousin is what most people like to call a "troubled teen". He smokes pot, gets bad grades even though he is really intelligent, and raises hell for his mom, who is raising him and his sister as a single mother. (His dad is in jail.) Just this August he accidentally burned their rented house down when he threw away a cigarette; now his mom is going to be buying them a new house with little help from the insurance company. I hadn't talked to him in months, maybe years, and when I finally did, within the first five minutes he goes "So you know I've been doing pot a lot, right?" And I said "Yeah", and he replied "Well it's basically because I have shit happiness in my life, so ya know, it drowns things out." He then proceeded to tell me all sorts of "funny" details about this. It's clearly all for attention. I'm a year younger than him, and I made it clear to him that I don't do any of that- his remark was completely out of place and was obviously there just because he wanted to talk about it.

My mother is sending him a very lengthy letter, and every woman in her bible study is as well. They've been praying for him since May, but nothing's getting any better. Our relatives have been trying to get through to him for ages, but to no avail. He's not clinically depressed- he's just a "troubled teen."

I've found out some things about my family's background- that of when I was younger and didn't catch on to things- that is rather disconcerting. It makes me all the more thankful for the stable family I have now. My parents have been married for 21 years and they have a strong marriage. I realize that I've taken for granted all these years what kind of a family I have. I don't fight with my sister, I don't fight with my father, and fights with my mom aren't all that common anymore. We're just not a yelling household. My sister and I may roll our eyes at my mother's Cleaver-esque ideals, but we're thankful for them anyways, because we know that it's because of those ideals we're not out partying every weekend, getting drunk and high. We were raised in a household that perhaps was more introverted and reserved than I wish for sometimes, but one that taught us the basic "do's" and "don'ts" of life.

I suppose this entry and the one before this are both reflections of my appreciation for my life. I have always known I am upper middle class, wealthier than millions of other people, and that I did nothing to deserve that, but I never really stopped to consider my home life either. So it's nice. And I'm glad. And for those who aren't as fortunate as me- well, I pray for all of you guys every night. For those who can't spend an evening at their house without hearing shouts and yells and sometimes things breaking, I'm sorry, and I hope that things improve. And even more, I hope that you don't carry those habits of your parents into your adulthood, because that is possibly one of the saddest things ever.

It's a beautiful day outside, and I'm going to go get ready for the last service of the Festival of Renewal at my church. (I don't think I've ever spoken so much and openly about my faith before on this.)
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