..bella.. (brilliantchaos) wrote,
..bella..
brilliantchaos

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daylight

It is a magnificent day outside. You can breathe in autumn, you can see the turning leaves fall to the ground, creating a multicolored lawn. You can sense romance in the air; this is the season of love. This is the season of plunging deep into the world of possibilities, plunging deep into risks that may leave you heartbroken... but may produce something better than you ever imagined.

I was holding an animated conversation with a male friend of mine who I dig- and right in front of the boy who I have been trying to forget for so long. A sense of bitter pride overcame me; I knew he was standing behind me, listening to me talk to this other guy, and I wanted him to know that I don't need him, I don't rely on him... even though sometimes I think I do. Emotions complicate me. I can't seem to forget all of the pain, bitterness, anger, resentment, embarassment, and overall sadness that I associate with this one person. I can't seem to let it all go. And at the same time, I still want to be friends with him, still want to know him.

Perhaps autumn, with all of it's possibilities, it's cloudless days, it's cool weather, will strengthen me and perhaps lead me in the direction I really want to go.

I'm tired of being stuck in between my emotions.
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